


Draw The Lines, Connect The Dots

by orsumfenix



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Conversations, Dialogue, Dialogue Heavy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:59:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6528445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orsumfenix/pseuds/orsumfenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroo and Akaashi have lots of conversations in a supernatural world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet our talkative protagonists, and discover that their world is not what one would call 'normal'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's not enough kuroaka

On his twenty-fifth birthday, Akaashi Keiji receives a ‘Best Detective’ award.

“Don’t look so smug,” Kuroo mutters from beside him, but he’s grinning. “We both knew it’d be you.”

Akaashi hums, fingering the trophy. The metal is cool to the touch, but not unpleasantly so. And the trophy itself isn’t bad to look at, even if it _is_ a bit of an odd thing to get a trophy for. Nevertheless, he mentally notes to clear a space on his drawer to place it.

“Who did they give it to last year, anyway?” Kuroo asks, as Ukai announces the next award-winner. It’s Yahaba as the ‘Best Information-Gatherer’. In all honesty Akaashi isn’t sure why any of this is happening, but he won a trophy so it seems a bit rude to complain. “Did they even do this last year?”

“It was Oikawa,” Akaashi informs lightly, glancing at Kuroo before swiftly being drawn back to his trophy. It’s a very nice trophy – gold and shiny, even if it’s probably just plastic. “You were there.”

“Was I?” Kuroo muses, narrowing his eyes. “Oh yeah, I was. Wait, were _you_? I don’t remember you being there.”

Akaashi shoots Kuroo a _look_.

“I _was_ , thank you for noticing,” he comments, finally tucking the trophy in his bag. “I see your observation skills are up to their usual standards.”

Kuroo grins, showing way too many teeth.

“I’m observant more often than you’d think, Akaashi. I happen to know that today is your _birthday_.” Kuroo tilts his head, still grinning like a Cheshire cat. Akaashi really needs to get out of his horrible habit of comparing people to animals. “Let me guess – you either love your birthday or hate it.”

Akaashi shrugs, smiling slightly.

“Good things happen on my birthday,” he informs, right as Suga wins the ‘Best Seer’ award. As though there was any doubt, considering that Suga is their _only_ seer. “They always have. I get accepted into places, I have a big break on a case…” Akaashi waves a hand. “I win awards.”

Kuroo scoffs, turning back to facing the front.

“Can’t believe you’re twenty-four,” he mutters. “Makes me feel old.”

Akaashi stares.

“I’m twenty-five.”

“Oh.”

“What was that were saying earlier about being observant?”

“Shut up.”

Akaashi allows himself to smirk, shifting his weight.

“Don’t worry, you’re not as bad as some. My parents sent me a 23 Today card.”

Kuroo snorts, causing the people around them to turn. Akaashi shoots them all apologetic looks, because his partner before Kuroo was Bokuto, and when one is around Bokuto a lot they get _very_ good at apologetic looks.

“Nice parents you got there.”

“Hmm. At least the present they got me was thoughtful.”

Kuroo raises an eyebrow, despite the fact that neither of them are looking at each other.

“What did they get?”

“A vibrator.”

Kuroo chokes, gasping for air. Akaashi grins, pulling out a bottle of water and handing it to him, because apparently it’s down to him to be the only prepared one in this partnership. Or, if he’s honest, in the entire agency. He should have won the ‘Best Prepared’ trophy, but unfortunately that award went out to Sawamura. To be fair, Daichi _did_ put out that fire by pulling a hose out of nowhere.

Akaashi still doesn’t know where that came from.

Kuroo has stopped choking, and is now glaring. Akaashi doesn’t even bother trying to hide his grin.

“What sort of parents get their kid that?!” he hisses, cheeks bright red. Maybe Akaashi enjoys riling people up too much. Maybe not. “And why would you just – announce that?!”

“You asked,” Akaashi states truthfully, rolling his eyes. He must have had this conversation with Bokuto about a hundred times, and now here he is repeating it with Kuroo. “Why ask if you don’t want to hear the answer?”

Kuroo makes an odd sound. He still has Akaashi’s water. Akaashi kind of wants it back.

“I didn’t think that…” Kuroo trails off, still whispering. “We’re in public!”

“No one was listening,” Akaashi murmurs back – and it’s true. People’s attentions were only gathered when Kuroo had his little ‘fit’, and interest was quickly lost after that. Probably because they were too focused on Yaku receiving the ‘Best Coffee-Maker’ award. As something of a caffeine addict, Akaashi can really appreciate Yaku’s coffee. Now _there’s_ an award that’s well-deserved. “And I don’t see why _you’re_ so embarrassed. _I’m_ not, and I’m the one that said it.”

“Well,” Kuroo says a little too loudly. Someone shushes him, and he continues in a lower voice. “It’s second-hand embarrassment, since apparently I’m going to have to feel embarrassed for the both of us.”

Akaashi just hums, his default response when he can’t think of anything to say. He glances at the clock and sighs.

“God, is it almost over?”

Kuroo follows his gaze, frowning.

“Should be soon. But you know the rules – everyone gets an award. Even if it’s a stupid one. I haven’t got mine yet.”

Akaashi’s eyes drift back towards Ukai.

“Maybe you’ll get ‘Best At Being Embarrassed’.”

“And you should have gotten ‘Best At Having No Shame’. No _wonder_ you don’t have a filter if your parents send you stuff like that.”

Akaashi frowns slightly, twisting the corner of his mouth.

“I have a filter,” he murmurs defensively. It’s true. He thinks. “But just for things that matter.”

“What, and shutting up about vibrators _don’t_? They’re just casual conversation points, are they?” Kuroo is managing to whisper and make it sound as though he’s shouting. It’s quite impressive, really.

Akaashi raises an eyebrow.

“What would you rather talk about? Dildos? Because I got a lovely pink one last year -”

“Oh my god,” Kuroo mutters. “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Akaashi opens his mouth to answer, but at that moment Ukai calls out the final award on the list. _Finally_.

“And finally; the ‘Best Smile’ award goes to Kuroo Tetsurou.”

Akaashi joins in with the polite clapping. Really, that’s not a bad award to get. Maybe not as prestigious as ‘Best Detective’, but still a pleasant one. Kuroo looks pleased as he walks up to collect his trophy. It’s smaller than Akaashi’s, which he feels inordinately smug about. Not that he’s going to tell Kuroo that.

See? He _does_ have a filter.

The crowd disperses and Kuroo returns, looking slightly put out.

“I can’t believe mine was last,” he states, eyeing the trophy. It’s the same gold colour as Akaashi’s. He still wonders if they’re plastic. “It’s like they didn’t know what to give me so they just did ‘Best Smile’.”

“You should be grateful,” Akaashi criticises. “You could’ve gotten ‘Best At Losing Poker’. Or ‘Best Bedhead’. Or ‘Best Thief’. Speaking of, can I have my water back?”

“Huh?” Kuroo looks as though he forgot he was even holding it. “Oh, yeah sure.”

“How come you forget things like that,” Akaashi begins, taking his water and shoving it in his bag. “When I know for a _fact_ that you’re smart? You got excellent grades in your exams, I’ve seen the results.”

Kuroo narrows his eyes.

“How do you know what grades I got?”

“I snooped when you got assigned as my new partner.” Akaashi raises an eyebrow. “Don’t act like you didn’t do the same.”

“Well, yeah,” Kuroo admits, shoving his own trophy in his bag. “You did well, too.” Kuroo tilts his head. It’d make it easier to stop comparing him to a cat if he didn’t behave like a cat _all the time_. “You went to Fukurodani, right?”

Akaashi hums, nodding.

“Yeah.” He glances at the clock. “Can we go yet? I need to feed my cat.”

“You mean your cat with two tails?” Kuroo asks, folding his arms. “The one that weird magician sold you?”

“Oh, Terushima?” Akaashi looks back to Kuroo, a smile dancing at the corners of his lips. “He’s not _that_ weird. He just gets a little… overexcited. You do the same.”

“Oh _god_ ,” Kuroo groans, hair managing to flop even more into his eye than usual. Which, really, is nothing short of a miracle. “Please don’t tell me you’re actually _friends_ with him.”

“I wouldn’t say _friends_. More like… casual acquaintances.”

“Yeah, _bullshit_ ,” Kuroo drawls, deciding to leer, for some reason. “You said that about Ennoshita, and lo and behold I walk in to find you two snogging each other’s faces off when all I want is a doughnut from your kitchen. That scarred me for life. I still have nightmares.”

Akaashi tries not to blush.

“That was different,” he states, shifting. “Chikara and me… Well, Chikara wasn’t a magician, for one. I don’t date magicians. I don’t like their hats.”

“Does Terra-whatsit even wear a hat?”

“Yes,” Akaashi grudgingly admits. “A top hat. It’s very off-putting.”

Kuroo does that awful laugh where he tries to snicker but ends up guffawing. It’s kind of endearing.

“Yeah, I can imagine,” he says, straightening up. “Kind of hard to get your game on when they look Victorian, right?”

Akaashi sighs. He’s sighed more times in his life than he cares to count.

“I don’t fancy Terushima,” he states bluntly, pulling his water out of his bag for no reason other than to do something with his hands. “I’ve already told you, I’m not interested in seeing anyone right now. I’m too busy.”

“Doing _what_?” Kuroo snorts again. “Winning awards and looking after your cat? Wow, you’re so busy, Akaashi. Such an exciting life.”

Akaashi shoots him a brief glare.

“It’s better than yours,” he points out, folding his arms. “All you do is watch cartoons and eat doughnuts. And I don’t see _you_ dating anyone. Unless Suguru counts.”

Kuroo wrinkles his nose.

“Ew,” he says, probably on instinct. “Not _that_ snake. Just – ew.”

“Face it, Kuroo,” Akaashi sighs, placing his hand on his hip. “There’s unresolved sexual tension between you and Suguru. It might help if the two of you had some sort of night of passion. You could borrow my -”

“Stop,” Kuroo interrupts grimacing. “How can you say something like that with a straight face?”

“Many years of practice,” Akaashi informs lightly, glancing at the clock again. “I really should go. Kuroo will be wondering where I am.”

Kuroo’s face shifts as he frowns, trying to deduce what Akaashi just said. Akaashi himself finds it extremely entertaining.

“You’re obviously not talking about me,” he states suspiciously, narrowing his eyes even further so that he’s practically squinting. “But you’re not dating anyone, and you said you had to get back to your cat…” Kuroo trails off, and Akaashi sees the moment it dawns. “You named your cat after me.”

“It seemed appropriate.”

Kuroo looks flabbergasted.

“ _How_?”

Akaashi frowns, taking a sip of water before throwing the bottle back in his bag.

“Kuroo, you basically _are_ a cat,” he says bluntly. “Don’t even try to deny it. Of course I named Kuroo after you.”

Kuroo tilts his head and grins, which doesn’t help the whole ‘cat’ imagery.

“You named your pet after me of all people,” he muses. Akaashi shifts. “I can’t decide whether that’s creepy or cute.”

“Whatever it is, I’m going now.” Akaashi raises a hand. “Bye.”

“Nah, wait,” Kuroo interrupts, holding up a hand. “I’ll go back with you.”

Akaashi cocks an eyebrow. Kuroo wanting to visit is certainly… new.

“I thought you found my apartment ‘creepy’,” he points out, frowning at the memory Kuroo using that exact word. It was after the fifth ghost that month got stuck in there and Akaashi had to convince Kuroo to help him set up a Ouija board. Kuroo had been excited, until the spirit turned out to be a poltergeist and threw a pan at him. Akaashi had found it funnier than he probably should’ve done.

“Well, yeah,” Kuroo admits in a ‘duh’ voice. “Which is why I’m coming with you, I don’t trust that place. How do you even see anything? It’s so _dark_.”

Akaashi shrugs lightly, turning and beginning to walk. Within only seconds Kuroo has fallen into step with him.

“You get used to it,” he informs vaguely, eyes searching the crowd. “And the lighter it is, the more ghosts get attracted there. It’s better off keeping it dark and only getting about one spirit about every six months.”

“Why don’t you just – move?”

Akaashi shoots him a withering look.

“You know _exactly_ how hard it is to get an apartment in this area. I doubt I’d be able to find anywhere.” He shrugs. “Besides, I like my apartment. And so does Kuroo.”

“Seriously, why’d you name him after me?” Kuroo inquires as they reach the lift, stepping inside in sync. “That cat _hates_ me. He’s bitten me _twice_ now.”

Akaashi can’t contain his smirk.

“Maybe he thinks you’re just a fellow cat,” he suggests. “Kuroo’s probably just trying to play-fight. You should retaliate.”

“Like – scratch him?”

“If you scratch him I’ll kill you.”

Kuroo holds his hands out.

“Then how do I ‘retaliate’?”

“Insult him. Tell him he has a bedhead.”

“Is that your way at picking fun of _my_ bedhead?”

“Maybe.”

“If I _could_ get rid of it, I _would_.”

“Kuroo, you live in a _magical society_. I’m sure it wouldn’t be that hard to find someone to spell it away. If you wanted, I could scry Terushima and we could get rid of it today.”

Kuroo grits his teeth.

“It’s not that easy,” he states, stepping out of the lift. Akaashi follows at a calmer pace. “I was _cursed_. Literally! By that – guy. I always forget his name.”

Akaashi narrows his eyes.

“Wasn’t it Tendou Satori?” he points out, because how come _he_ can remember and Kuroo _can’t_? “Remember, we caught him several months ago. We know where he is, we could go visit and ask him to undo the curse.”

“How do _you_ know?!” Kuroo accuses, squinting as they step out into the sunlight. “I got cursed _years_ ago – you weren’t even _here_ when I got cursed.”

“I’ve read the file. Kenma got a picture of him doing it, you know how he is. Kenma gets pictures of everything.”

“That is kind of his job.”

Akaashi hums, dodging to avoid a dog pelting by at full force. He’s grateful that he lives so close to his workplace – only about a street away – but, honestly, the road to get there is ridiculously busy. He’s almost been hit by an enchanted car twice now.

“We almost there yet?”

“You know where my apartment is. You’ve been before.”

“I know. But this is _such_ a dodgy road. Remember that time someone put a curse on the street and made it impossibly long? I was walking towards work for like half an hour before realising I couldn’t get there.”

“Oh.” Akaashi’s lip curls. “Yes, I remember. Me and Bokuto got assigned to that case, except he’d been in work and couldn’t get off the street. I had to practically solve it myself while he watched from my mirror.”

Kuroo snorts.

“Come on, I’ve had worse cases than that. You know that ogre going round smashing things up? Me and Kenma had to solve _that_.”

“Wasn’t that the case that infamously took six _months_?”

“Yeeeah,” Kuroo admits, grimacing. “I won ‘Best Procrastinator’ that year. But it wasn’t _our_ fault stuff took that long. It was the damn pixies’!”

Akaashi blinks.

“Pixies?”

Kuroo scowls and folds his arms, looking very much like a petulant toddler.

“Every time we started to get a lead, these _pixies_ would attack us and mess everything up. Though most of the time they went after _me_. Like when they threw me in the office fountain!”

Akaashi remembers that. It’d been hilarious.

“Oh, so _pixies_ threw you in?” he says, trying not to look too happy when he sees how close they are to his building. “I thought you just tripped and fell. That’s what it looked like, and when I asked Kenma he said that was what happened.”

Kuroo’s jaw drops.

“I can’t believe he’d spread a rumour like that,” he mutters. “After I’d been the best partner possible. _Unbelievable_.”

They reach the door to Akaashi’s apartment – or, more accurately, to the whole building. It’s something of a horror house, Akaashi will admit, almost completely pitch black and leaning precariously. Each of the six floors looks like it’s stacked perilously on top of the others, seconds away from sliding. At first Akaashi had been… nervous, but at this point it just looks like home.

Kuroo still gulps.

“I can’t believe how haunted this house looks,” he comments as they enter and begin to climb the stairs, all of which are crooked and twist in a serpentine manner. There is no banister. “I wasn’t even surprised when you told me a bunch of ghosts get in here.”

“Not _that_ many,” Akaashi retorts, stepping careful over a particularly dodgy step. “It used to be much worse before we had the wards put in. Now we only really get about two every year – except for October. They all flock in October.”

Kuroo rolls his eyes.

“Well, _duh_.” He almost trips. Akaashi doesn’t even try to supress his smile. “October is like… peak time for spirits. And _work_.”

“Hmm. That’s probably because our work revolves around spirits.”

Kuroo snorts, right as they arrive outside of Akaashi’s front door. Something rustles inside.

“Now,” Akaashi says loudly, placing his hand on the doorknob. “To make sure Kuroo hasn’t spoiled my curtains again.”

And then he swings the door open.

Almost immediately, Akaashi receives a face full of fur as Kuroo (Kuroo, the cat) launches himself at him, luckily not with his claws out. Akaashi would be surprised, but it’s horribly similar to what having Bokuto as a partner was like, so when he got a new cat that did the same it wasn’t exactly difficult to get used to. Slightly _more_ difficult is the two tails that still make him blink.

“Do you want some help with that?” Kuroo (Kuroo, the pain-in-the-ass) asks, amusement clear in his voice. Akaashi gently pries Kuroo (Kuroo, the feline) away from his face, mustering up a smile.

“I can handle it,” he states, walking inside his apartment. Kuroo (Kuroo, the annoying partner) follows, shutting the door behind him and throwing the room into almost total darkness. “Better than you were able to handle a couple of pixies, apparently.”

“I should never have told you that.”

Akaashi hums, setting Kuroo (Kuroo, the lovable creature) down carefully and watching as he speeds off almost immediately.

Kuroo (Kuroo, who’s already heading to the kitchen to steal Akaashi’s doughnuts) makes an odd sound.

“We came back here to make sure he didn’t miss you,” he says, opening the cupboard with the doughnuts in on the first try. Which is a miracle, really, considering that Akaashi always changes which cupboard he keeps them in. Kuroo (Kuroo, the guy who needs to stop stuffing his face) must have a sense for it. “And he attacks you, then runs off immediately. Such a grateful creature.”

“He didn’t attack me,” Akaashi states, moving into the kitchen and starting the kettle brewing. His coffee’s not quite as good as Yaku’s, but it’ll do. “As usual, you’re over-exaggerating.”

“Me? I _never_ over-exaggerate.”

Akaashi shoots the most unimpressed look he can muster, which isn’t hard. Kuroo grins with doughnut smeared all around his lips. He swears, if Kuroo goes _near_ him with that mouth, he’s getting thrown out, partner or not.

Kuroo (Kuroo, the decent one) enters the kitchen at a leisurely pace, hopping up onto the counter. Really, Akaashi muses, the two really do look alike. The same black hair, the same _mess_ , the same way of holding themselves – he wouldn’t be surprised if Kuroo (Kuroo, the current human being) was a cat in a past life. Or if he had some kind of heritage linked with cats. In this society, it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch.

Why, Akaashi even has some demon in him. Not that he goes round advertising the fact.

“Hey,” Kuroo suddenly says, hopping up on the counter. God, he really is a _cat_. “Where’d you live before here, anyway?”

Akaashi quirks an eyebrow, finishing the coffee and taking an immediate gulp, relieved by the caffeine despite the scalding heat.

“City limits,” he answers after a moment, watching as Kuroo (Kuroo, the glutton) takes another doughnut. Next time Akaashi should buy some and fill them with something horrible. It’ll be going out of his way, but it’ll be completely worth it to see the look on Kuroo’s _face_. “My parents were… nervous, about me moving here, but it’s not so bad.”

“Huh,” Kuroo says, mouth full, before swallowing and continuing. “Why were they nervous, did they think you were gonna get cursed or something?”

Akaashi shrugs one shoulder lightly.

“Among other things,” he answers, taking another sip of coffee. “You realise how magically active the city centre is, right? We only had about one incident a year on the limits.”

“That good or bad?”

Akaashi’s lips curve around his mug.

“Well, it’s certainly more _interesting_ here. Though ‘interesting’ can range from the street elongating to a giant chicken stalking your dreams.”

Kuroo raises an eyebrow.

“Did that really happen?”

Akaashi thins his lips and tries not to glower. He probably fails.

“Yes.”

“Oh man,” Kuroo says, sounding completely unconcerned. “Why?”

“Turns out it was a family curse that kicks into effect at a certain age. I got away with it by renouncing my bloodline.”

“I didn’t even know you _could_ renounce your bloodline.”

“It’s easier than it sounds, really. You just have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, except that you have to summon a demon lawyer to handle all of it. And demons aren’t as annoying as everyone seems to think. I wasn’t so keen on his sense of style, though. Denim on denim.”

“Oh,” Kuroo says. “ _God_.”

Akaashi hums. Kuroo (Kuroo, the cat) makes an odd sound and scampers out of the kitchen.

Inside the apartment, something falls over.

“What was that?” Kuroo demands, getting down from the counter and grabbing a nearby pan. Akaashi steadily drains his coffee. “Did you hear that? Don’t even lie, you totally heard that.”

“I did.” Akaashi finishes, placing the mug down and grabbing a pan of his own, because apparently that’s the weapon they’re going with here. “Probably just a stack of books falling over, but I guess it never hurts to be careful. You never know, we might have to get the Ouija board out again.”

Kuroo snickers, moving towards the door, right as something bright and _blue_ zooms past. Kuroo’s grip tightens on the pan, fingers turning white.

“Okay, there’s definitely something there,” he states, right as Akaashi moves to stand beside him. “I can’t see it now, though. God, _why_ is your house so fucking creepy?! You should just spare everyone the trouble and move in with me.”

“Living with one cat’s good enough for me, thanks.”

The blue thing zooms past again, knocking a table over. Akaashi’s mouth curls in displeasure. That mahogany table was _very_ expensive. He already doesn’t like the blue thing.

“Whoever you are,” Kuroo calls, moving in to the middle of the main room. Akaashi follows at a more sedate pace. “Come out and show yourself. We’re armed!”

“I doubt steel pans are going to do much,” Akaashi hisses. Kuroo grins.

“ **Hello** ,” a voice says, and Akaashi and Kuroo whirl round in sync.

The blue thing is a spirit, that much is immediately obvious. It’s floating several inches off the ground, the air around it shimmering. It looks confused, but not particularly harmful, which is good. The last spirit threw knives everywhere, but this one looks to be up for a friendly chat.

Still, it never hurts to check.

“Hello,” Akaashi greets, wandering towards the spirit and ignoring Kuroo tugging on his sleeves. “Are you a malevolent spirit?”

“Oh my god,” Kuroo says from behind him, his footsteps approaching. “You can’t just _ask_ it that.”

The spirit blinks.

“ **Oh** ,” it says, bobbing up and down. “ **I didn’t even know I _was_ a spirit**.”

“Well, breaking news: you are,” Kuroo announces, stepping forwards and looking entirely too confident for someone whose only weapon is a steel pan. “And you’re kinda invading our privacy. Can you leave, please?”

Akaashi turns to him.

“ _Our_ privacy?” he repeats. “This isn’t even _your_ apartment.”

“ **Sorry. I didn’t know where I was**.”

Akaashi turns back to the spirit, trying for a smile.

“It’s fine.”

“ **How do I leave**?”

“Just,” Kuroo says, waving his hand. The pan almost whacks Akaashi in the face. “Float away.”

“ **I don’t think I can** ,” it states, finally stopping bobbing and instead hovering somewhat awkwardly. “ **And I don’t really think I want to.”**

Akaashi blinks.

“Well. That’s awkward.”

“Wait, what?” Kuroo asks, stepping forwards and putting himself between the spirit and Akaashi. Akaashi rolls his eyes. Bokuto used to do this all the time, and each time was just as irritating as the last. “You can’t just – stay here. It’s not your house.”

“It’s not _your_ house either,” Akaashi murmurs. Kuroo seems to ignore him.

“So you should just go, whatever your name is,” Kuroo continues. The spirit tilts its head.

“ **Akira**.”

“Cool,” Kuroo says, sounding entirely unenthused. “Great for you, Akira. But you really should just… leave.”

“I’m Akaashi,” Akaashi decides to volunteer, because Kuroo’s tactic clearly isn’t working. “And this is Pain-In-The-Ass-Kuroo. Feel free to call him that forever.”

“Akaashi,” Kuroo hisses, glancing back. “You said you’d stop calling me that.”

“I never said that. You’re making things up.”

“No, ‘cause I remember. We made that bet about Bokuto and you lost so the deal was that you’d stop.”

“Except you cheated. So it doesn’t count.”

“I didn’t cheat!”

“You told Bokuto what to do. I’m pretty sure that counts as ‘cheating’.”

“Yeah, well – wait, where’d the spirit go?!”

Akaashi turns to the space where the spirit was, only to find that it’s gone.

“That might be a problem,” he comments. Kuroo shoots him a _look_.

“You _think_?”

Akaashi bites his lip, looking around for the spirit. There’s no sign of it, but the room feels colder and he hears another _thud_ from the direction of his bedroom. Akaashi sighs. Honestly, why did there have to be a spirit _now_ of all times? Especially when Kuroo’s here, to try and defend him with frying pans and make inane commentary.

It’s not even October.

Kuroo seems to have picked up on this, tilting his head.

“You said you only get about two spirits in eleven months,” he accuses, narrowing his eyes. “Why is there one _now_?”

“I don’t control when the spirits arrive. Go and ask it yourself.”

“ _Fuck_ no.”

“Then you’ll just have to deal with not knowing.”

“ _Ugh_. Can we get rid of it?”

Akaashi shrugs.

“I have no idea,” he informs lightly. “Some spirits fade away after just a couple of hours. Some you have to exorcise. Some you have to help pass on.”

Kuroo pulls a face.

“How do we know which?”

“You could contact Suguru,” Akaashi offers. The look Kuroo sends him is _deadly_.

“How about no.” Kuroo pulls out a mirror, though, seemingly out of nowhere.

“How do you expect to sleep with him if you never -”

The look Kuroo sends Akaashi can only be described as _murderous_. Akaashi’s lips twitch up.

“I’m calling Lev,” he informs. Akaashi leans back on a nearby table, trying not to jerk as the blue spirit whizzes past again, a breeze ruffling his hair. “You know who Lev is, right?”

“Is he the one without eyebrows?”

“No, that’s Aone. Lev is the one that’s like a giant puppy. He blundered into that business with the kraken, remember?”

Thinking back, Akaashi _does_ remember Lev. His eyes were cat-like, but otherwise he’d been like an excitable child, not factoring in his height.

“Well, you can see why I’d get them confused.”

Kuroo shoots him an odd look.

“Not really.” He waves a hand over the mirror, rippling the surface. “ _Anyway_ , it turns out he’s really good at banishing spirits. Yaku did some training with him and _he_ said that he’s never seen anyone banish a spirit as quickly as Lev.”

Akaashi quirks a brow.

“Didn’t he _also_ say that he never wanted to go near Lev again?”

Kuroo pauses, smirking.

“That too. But Yaku says that about most people, and I know for a _fact_ that Lev was the one who sent him those flowers that one time.”

Well. _That_ rings a bell.

“The ones that Bokuto stole and tried to give to me?”

He remembers Yaku chasing Bokuto round with a broom as revenge, then Yaku simply stating that Bokuto wasn’t getting any of his coffee for a week.

That’s about _all_ Akaashi remembers, because at that point he’d started to have an allergic reaction to the flowers and Shimizu had to be called in to help.

“Yeeeah. He didn’t realise they were anyone else’s. Then _you_ had your little freak-out.”

Akaashi tries not to blush.

“It was an allergic reaction,” he states. And, really, what’s taking Kuroo so long with that _mirror_? “Typical, really.”

Kuroo hums, finally holding up a finger for him to be silent.

“Hey, Lev! You know that dirt I have on you? Well, if you want me to stay quiet then come over to where I am. It’s – hold on. Akaashi, what’s the address?”

Akaashi simply smiles. Kuroo told him to stay silent, and he’s staying silent. Kuroo glowers.

“Never mind. You know that creepy-ass house down the street of my work? Yeah, it’s there. Third floor from the bottom. Be quick.” Then he waves his hand again, cutting the connection. Akaashi raises a brow.

“Will you _really_ spread the dirt?”

Kuroo scoffs, putting the mirror back in his… jacket? It just kind of disappears.

“Of course I won’t. He knows that. I think.”

“Will you tell _me_ the dirt?”

“You wish, Akaashi.”

Akaashi just smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like... a cooldown project so i'll either get it done really fast or really slow  
> aiming for fast but who knows


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a spirit is banished, An Incident Occurs, and Akaashi tries his best to freak out Konoha Akinori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unlike the previous chapter, this one cuts to other scenes. hopefully it's not too jerky.  
> if blood or drinking blood freaks you out, i wouldn't recommend reading this

**Six Months Ago**

“Wait.” Akaashi blinks. “What?”

Ukai sighs, cigarette bobbing in his mouth. They’re almost alone in the office, but Akaashi can hear the hustle and bustle of his co-workers outside. It’s hectic, as per usual, which makes it even odder that Ukai has called him in here.

“I said,” Ukai repeats with a type of weariness that can only be achieved by working this job. “There’s been a partner switch. You’re working with Kuroo now.”

“I heard what you said,” Akaashi snaps with a flash of annoyance, then takes a deep breath to calm himself. He can’t shout at his boss again, because the last time he did that it got him put on the giant squid case. “I meant _why_.”

“Then you should’ve said ‘why’, not ‘what’,” Kuroo comments, picking at something beneath his nail. He’s leaning up against one of the cupboards, which is typical. Akaashi frowns at him, before turning back to Ukai.

“Me and Bokuto are fine as partners,” he states. “You _know_ that. We solved the _stretching street_ case.”

“ _You_ solved the stretching street case,” Ukai points out. He’s got a pen behind his ear. Huh. “Bokuto watched from your mirror.”

“What’s that got to do anything?”

“He’s saying that you’re more productive than Bokuto is,” Kuroo interrupts, completely uninvited. “And that I’m more productive than Kenma is. But what I don’t get, boss, is – well, we balance each other out. And we have different jobs. _Why_ are you putting me with Akaashi? Not that I don’t want to be with you,” he hurriedly tacks on, smirking awkwardly at Akaashi. Awkward smirking. Akaashi hadn’t even know that that was a thing.

“Well,” he says loudly, regathering Ukai’s attention. “ _I_ don’t want to be with _you_. My partner is Bokuto.”

“Your partner is who I tell you it is. And I’m _telling_ you that it’s Kuroo.”

“I can’t work with Kuroo,” Akaashi says. “He looks like a cat.”

Kuroo snorts.

“And you look like an owl,” he retorts. Akaashi tries and fails not to glare.

“ _Bokuto_ looks like an owl,” he corrects. “I look – like a person.”

“You look like a different _type_ of owl.”

Akaashi huffs.

“Well _you_ look like -”

Ukai claps his hands together, gathering both of their attentions.

“Great. You both seem to be getting along. I’ve got a meeting with Daishou, but on my desk is your first case. The one with the yellow folder. Don’t screw it up.”

Then Ukai walks out, leaving them alone. Akaashi eyes the folder.

“If we mess up this case on purpose,” he begins, watching as Kuroo wanders over and grabs the file. “Do you think he’ll let us go back to our partners?”

“Guess that depends whether the case is worth solving,” Kuroo replies, flipping the folder open and grimacing immediately. “Ah, shit, it’s a murder one. We can’t screw up a murder one.”

“Says who,” Akaashi mutters, but Kuroo’s right and he knows it. He sighs. “Cause of death?”

Kuroo hums, eyes travelling over the file.

“Curse,” he finally answers, looking up and grinning. “We’re looking for a witch.”

They find the witch, of course, and a ‘fight’ that’s really more of a scuffle ends up with both of them covered in chocolate sauce but locking the witch in handcuffs. At least – Akaashi _hopes_ it’s chocolate.

“We look like we’re covered in shit,” he says bluntly, while the witch cackles beside him. Kuroo’s snickering. “It’s not funny.”

“If you say so.” Kuroo pokes at his hair a bit. It’s a fruitless endeavour. “So, we didn’t botch this case. Should we mess up the next one?”

“Yes,” Akaashi answers, grimacing at the way the sauce squelches as he walks. “Then I’ll go back to Bokuto and you’ll go back to Kenma.”

The next case is in a pink file, and it’s an unregistered flying castle hovering over a lake.

“I’m not screwing up this one,” Kuroo swears upon seeing the folder’s contents. “Magic castles are my weak spot. They need to be _registered_.”

“The next one, then,” Akaashi states, and later receives an orange folder about a missing horse that can run at superspeed.

He sighs.

\--

Lev Haiba arrives twenty minutes after Kuroo called him, banging on the door so hard the hinges almost come off. When Akaashi swings it open Lev practically falls inside, a mass of tangled limbs.

“Where’s the spirit?” he asks, looking much more excited than he should do. Kuroo waves an arm.

“It’ll probably fly past in a minute. It’s blue.”

Lev pouts, for some reason.

“Aw, I wanted it to be red.”

“Does than even matter?” Akaashi retorts, brow creased. “I can’t think of a _single_ way in which it should.”

“Way to be judgemental, Akaashi,” Kuroo cuts in, trying to grin slyly but failing. “Lev can like whatever colours he wants.”

“My favourite colour is yellow!” Lev offers loudly. Akaashi and Kuroo both turn to _look_ at him. “Should I… banish the spirit now?”

“Please do.”

“You’re in a hurry,” Kuroo comments to Akaashi as Lev pulls… something out of his bag. Akaashi doesn’t bother to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “Are you _scared_? Want me to hold your hand?”

Akaashi sends him the most unimpressed look he can muster.

“No thanks.”

“And – there!” Lev suddenly announces, holding up an octagonal metal shape. Akaashi blinks and narrows his eyes. He’s never seen… _anything_ like that before, and he likes to think that he’s done his research on these sorts of things. Kuroo looks similarly baffled, though he covers up his expression quickly. “This should be enough to get rid of quickly.” Lev pauses and frowns. “Or at least, that’s what Yaku said. I’ve never actually used one of these before.”

“If you blow up my house,” Akaashi says seriously. “I will gut you.”

Lev gulps, and Kuroo just chuckles.

“He probably will,” he assures. At Lev’s look of horror, he adds, “Well, he’ll try. Don’t worry, I’ll stop him. A pan to the head should do the trick.”

“If you want to stop me, you’ll have to use a knife.”

Lev looks even more terrified than he already was. Akaashi _really_ hopes he doesn’t wet himself.

“O- _kay_ , Akaashi, getting creepy now,” Kuroo cuts in, though he doesn’t look put off in the slightest. “Lev, do your mojo. Try not to burn down my house.”

“For the last time,” Akaashi sighs. “It isn’t _your_ house.”

Lev looks between them a couple times with big eyes, before he grins and lifts the octagon.

“Oh, spirit, I call thee!” he announces, and the room’s temperature drops by several degrees. “Appear before me!”

“Nice rhyme,” Kuroo drawls. Akaashi not-so-subtly whacks him in the arm. “Ow! _Geez,_ you’re violent!”

Within seconds, the blue spirit – what was its name, Akira? – is in front of them, floating with a blank expression. All three men jump, though it’s actually Lev who looks the most scared. Which Akaashi thinks is stupid. He’s the smallest one there, and he only jumped _slightly_.

“ **You’re here to banish me** ,” the spirit notes. Lev nods.

“Will this take long?” Akaashi interrupts. “This is supposed to be a day off, I want to relax.”

“It’ll go faster if we chat about something,” Lev comments, making some weird motions with the octagon. “Go ahead, ask me anything.”

“Okay,” Akaashi says. “Have you slept with Yaku?”

Lev’s eyes bulge comically wide, and Kuroo snorts loudly.

“You can’t just _ask_ everyone if they’ve slept with someone! Like, I don’t know _why_ it’s even a habit of yours, but it’s really gotta stop.”

“I can do what I want, you’re not my _mother._ ”

“Hey, I would make an _awesome_ mother.”

“ _Would_ you now.”

“Yeah, _actually_ , I would. Go ahead. Ask Kenma.”

“Why would _Kenma_ know?”

“Okay, well, you might not have heard this story, but on one of the witch cases we had a while back -”

“Finished!” Lev declares loudly, interrupting. Akaashi’s a bit disappointed – he wanted to hear the end to that story. “Your apartment is now spirit-free! I’ll leave the octagon here so none should show up for a while, if that’s okay. But they shouldn’t be showing up anyway.” Lev frowns in confusion. Akaashi just shrugs.

“I don’t know why they’re attracted here. Never have. Probably never will.”

“I could find out!”

Akaashi takes a second to stare at Lev, tall and skinny and all too eager-to-please.

“It’s fine,” he assures, ignoring the unimpressed look Kuroo is shooting him. “Really. Odds are I won’t get another one until October.”

“Hope the next one doesn’t throw something at me,” Kuroo mutters. Lev sends him an odd face, complete with scrunched-up eyebrows and a twisted mouth. “Honestly, _why_ do you stay here? It’s like – Murder Mansion.”

“Kuroo,” Akaashi sighs, rolling his eyes. “It’s not even a _bit_ similar to a mansion.”

“I’m gonna go now!” Lev chips in, grinning in a way that makes him look slightly terrified. “Do I just go out the way I came in?”

Akaashi and Kuroo both nod, even though it’s _not his house_.

Lev leaves quicker than Akaashi would’ve thought possible, leaving the two of them staring at each other in a strangely silent apartment. Somewhere, Kuroo the Cat yowls and the sound of shattering echoes. Stupid cat probably knocked a vase over.

“Welp.” Kuroo the Person stretches, top sliding up. Akaashi stares. “As much as I hate to leave, I’d better get going, too. Food to eat, sleep to have.”

“Remember we have work tomorrow.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Kuroo pulls a face. “We’re getting a new case, right? God, I bet it’s another witch.”

Akaashi wrinkles his nose. He’s sick of witches, too. In the past three months they’ve always find a way to make it rain piss, no matter the situation. And at the end he’s not even allowed a shower until both him and Kuroo have filed reports.

It’s probably a tactic that they’ve all agreed on as revenge against the agency.

Seriously, _fuck_ witches.

Kuroo seems to be thinking along the same line, scowling. He’s stopped stretching, so his top’s back to covering his skin. Akaashi just might be disappointed.

“Thanks for the doughnuts. I’ll see myself out.” Kuroo turns on one heel, heading towards the door. Akaashi knows for a fact that Kuroo’s house isn’t all that close to his, and there’s lots of potential for him getting attacked on the way.  

“Don’t get bitten by a vampire!” Akaashi calls after him.

Without turning around, Kuroo gives him the finger.

\--

_“Here,” he said. “Take my cane.”_

_“Fuck you, old man,” I replied, pulling out my sword. “I can defend myself just fine.”_

_“I might be a demon, but I’m far from old. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, I’m rather young.”_

_Right at that moment, there was a crash from my left. I turned to see –_

“Hey!”

Akaashi blinks at the sudden interruption. It’s his mirror, shining like there’s no tomorrow. His mouth twists at having to put his book to one side. Just when it was getting exciting, too.

The voice was Kuroo. Of course. Seven months ago Kuroo was just a backdrop to his life, but suddenly he’s everywhere, stealing his doughnuts and invading his privacy and solving cases quicker than should be possible.

Akaashi leans over and grabs the mirror. Fuck, it’s freezing. He wonders why that is.

“Can you hear me?” comes Kuroo’s voice again. It’s shaken, and not exactly very Kuroo-like. Akaashi frowns.

“Yes,” he confirms, rising because _of course_ he’s going to need to go and meet Kuroo. “Did you get in trouble?”

Kuroo is silent for a few moments. And then, “I think I just got murdered.”

\--

Akaashi opens the door, steps outside, and blinks.

A younger girl is staring at him, mouth pressed firmly together, practically shaking as she grips the flowers in her hands. She was probably about to knock on the door when he swung it open.

“Um, hi,” she greets nervously, shifting. Her bobbed hair moves with her. “I’m – I’m Yachi. Your neighbour. I, ah, heard you had a ghost earlier. Not that I’ve been stalking you, or anything! Your friend mentioned it. I… think he was your friend. If he wasn’t please forgive me! I – I’ll stop.”

Akaashi just smiles slightly, leaning against the doorframe.

“I did have a ghost problem,” he confirms. “But it’s all solved now.”

“Oh.” Yachi shifts her weight, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, I, uh – brought you some flowers. To keep ghosts away. I don’t know if it actually works or not but Kiyoko-san says it does and she’s usually right about everything so…”

She trails off nervously. Akaashi tries not to let it show how adorable he finds her.

“Thanks for the offer,” he says after a moment, straightening up. “But I’m afraid I’m actually allergic to that type of flower.”

It doesn’t take long for Yachi’s face to shift to one of complete horror. A blush works its way onto her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry!” she blurts, bowing hastily. “I wasn’t trying to assassinate you or anything, I just – please don’t kill me!”

“It’s fine,” Akaashi assures as Yachi hesitantly rises. “You didn’t know. And I appreciate the thought. Just keep it in mind.” She nods slightly, and he smiles again. “I’m sorry, but I’m really in a hurry. There’s been an… incident.”

“Oh!” She bites her lip. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m sure it is,” he offers. “But my friend might be in a bit of trouble. I’d better go save him, as usual.”

Yachi nods exaggeratedly, hair bobbing.

“Do you – want me to look after your cat?” she asks, teeth fiddling with her bottom lip. “I can hear him sometimes.”

Akaashi glances back at the apartment and shakes his head.

“It’s fine. But, like I said – I’ve really got to get going.”

\--

“Kuroo Tetsurou,” Akaashi says, staring down at him. “You had one job.”

Kuroo winces and rubs at the marks on his neck again. The bloody, vampire-induced bite marks.

Akaashi wonders how one person can fuck up so much in just an evening.

“Well, it’s not like I _knew_ one’d bite me for going down that alley.” Kuroo scowls. It’s kind of cute. “It came out of _nowhere_. It just – leapt at me. Right at me! There was no way to avoid that thing.”

“Why were you going down a dark alley in the first place?” Akaashi demands. Because, really, from where he’s standing, this thing is _entirely Kuroo’s fault_. Kuroo just shrugs.

“Shortcut.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yep.” Kuroo rubs the marks and winces again. Akaashi wonders if it’s from pain or embarrassment. “Starting to get that, thanks.”

Silence. And then, “I thought you’d been murdered. That’s what _you_ said. I think I’m disappointed.”

The look Kuroo shoots him is full of disbelief.

“You’re disappointed that I’m not _dead?!_ ” Then he shakes his head. “Never mind. And technically, I _was_ murdered. I died and came back. It counts as murder officially. The investigation’ll be a murder one.” Kuroo’s lips curl upwards. “Wonder who’ll get the case. I hope it’s us.”

Akaashi folds his arms.

“You know we should probably report this, right?”

One of Kuroo’s arms flails drunkenly.

“Fine. We’ll report it in the morning. You staying the night?”

“I’m not going through a dark alley and getting bitten by a vampire, so, yes. Bagsy the bed.”

“It’s _my_ bed.” Kuroo frowns, then grins. “But you can have it anyway. For getting here so fast.” He tilts his head back, Akaashi following his gaze to the ceiling. It’s cracked and worn, but overall in much better condition than Akaashi’s _own_ ceiling, so he decides not to bring it up. “God, I’m _tired_. Who knew getting bitten by a vampire’d be so _draining_?”

“Well it did _drain_ your blood,” Akaashi points out, frowning in contemplation. “Does this mean you’re a vampire now?”

Kuroo pauses.

“…Huh.” Then he shrugs. “I guess in the morning, we’ll find out.”

\--

The answer, it turns out, is yes.

“I’m giving you the case,” Ukai sighs, looking Done With Life. Akaashi can sympathise. “You’re two of my best, so I assume you won’t botch it. Your job is to find the one that bit you and arrest them for murder. Can you do that?”

Akaashi’s mouth opens in protest, but he’s cut off as Kuroo salutes.

“Yes, sir. Don’t worry, I’ll have this solved in no time. Wait, does this mean I have to drink blood now?”

Akaashi stares.

“Kuroo. You can’t solve your own murder.”

Kuroo just grins at him.

“Watch me.”

Akaashi continues to stare. Ukai makes an odd sound between a sigh and a groan.

“Could you two – leave my office? I have work to do. Kuroo, you should probably head down to one of the Blood Cafes and see what they can do for you. They’ll know what a new-born vampire needs better than me.”

“Sir, yes sir.”

“Kuroo,” Akaashi says. “Shut up.”

Kuroo is still smiling. “No.”

\--

The nearest Blood Café is a place named The Bloody Kitchen. Akaashi loves it on sight.

“I can’t _believe_ I’ve never been here before,” he remarks, smiling up at the sign. “Look at it. ‘The Bloody Kitchen’. Do you think they serve _real_ blood?”

Kuroo snorts. “ _You_ should’ve been bitten by a vampire.”

“It’s never too late!”

At which Kuroo turns to stare at him, eyes narrowing.

“You’re in a _good mood_ ,” he accuses, hair falling awkwardly into his eye. Akaashi smirks.

“So?”

“So?” Kuroo repeats, looking incredulous. “I’ve been _bitten by a vampire_ , and you’re _in a good mood_. A _really_ good mood.” He pauses. Frowns. “You’re _never_ in a good mood!”

“I’m hurt that you’d even suggest such a thing.” Akaashi pushes the door open, inhaling the overwhelming scent of blood. “It smells like they murder people in here. Watch out, Kuroo, that might be you in five minutes.”

“ _You’re_ the human!”

“And you’re the idiot.” Akaashi turns to the approaching waiter, plastering on a fake smile. “Hello. My partner was recently bitten by a vampire, and we’re trying to find the person that did it. Might you be of assistance?”

Behind him, Kuroo mutters something along the lines of _“Stop acting so posh I know you’re not posh.”_

The waiter’s eyes widen.

“Your sire ditched you?”

“His what.” “My what?”

The waiter’s eyes travel between the two of them, brows raising.

“Your sire. The one who bit you?”

Kuroo steps forward. Akaashi decides he’ll happily let him take over from here. God, speaking at the same time is annoying.   

“Yeah, he, uh – I dunno who that was, he left.” Kuroo pauses, rubbing the back of his neck. “Or she, I guess.”

Akaashi pinches Kuroo’s arm.

“Stop being so awkward,” he mutters. Kuroo glares at him.

“ _You_ try telling your own murder story!”

“It’s not really a ‘story’, though. It’s just you having no idea what’s going on.”

The waiter clears his throat. “How about I get you a seat?” He looks kind of awkward, the way people tend to when meeting both Kuroo and Akaashi for the first time.

“That,” Kuroo exclaims loudly, tugging his arm away from Akaashi, “would be great.”

\--

The waiter’s name is Konoha. Unsurprisingly, he’s a vampire.

“It’s on the house ‘cos you’ve just been bitten,” he informs, carefully placing a large glass of _holy fuck blood_ on the table. “You should only need about one a week, but if I were you I’d grab one of our stamp forms. You get every thirteenth drink free.”

Kuroo grins, and the Sudden Fangs are somewhat alarming.

Instead of freaking out like he probably _should_ , Akaashi turns to Konoha and says: “Can _I_ have a glass?”

Konoha and Kuroo stare in tandem.

“I thought you were human?” Konoha inquires, brow creasing in confusion.

“Yeah. I am.”

They look at each other for a few moments, neither one wanting to back down. Or maybe that’s just Akaashi.

“Just get him one, please,” Kuroo sighs after a moment, pulling out his wallet. “I’ll pay if it’s a big deal.”

Konoha seems to snap out of it.

“It’s, uh – it’s fine. On the house. But just the once, though!”

He leaves somewhat rapidly, shooting a nervous glance back. As soon as he’s out of sight Kuroo digs his elbow into Akaashi’s side, frowning at the pleased smirk on Akaashi’s face.

“You weirdo, you freaked him out!”

“Obviously.” Akaashi leans an arm on the table, brushing up against Kuroo. “Why did you have to sit on the same side as me?”

Kuroo awkwardly tries to blow hair out of his face. It doesn’t work, because it _never_ works.

“Because I was _hoping_ he’d sit down and talk to us about – vampirism. But you scared him off being a Satan worshipper.”

Akaashi rolls his eyes. “I don’t _worship Satan_ , I just want to see what blood tastes like. And I don’t think that’s a real word.”

“What, _‘blood’?_ ”

“Vampirism.”

“Jokes on you, I read it in a dictionary.” Kuroo picks at the dirt under his nail. His own drink is still untouched. “And if you just wanted to ‘see what it tastes like’, you could’ve just tried mine!”

Akaashi can’t quite figure out whether or not to admit ‘but then I wouldn’t’ve scared the waiter’, and instead settles for a nonchalant shrug.

Konoha returns several minutes later, looking overall a lot calmer. He sends Akaashi a weird look as he places the glass of blood in front of him, meeting a dead stare.

There’s a straw in the blood.

Sure enough, Konoha takes a seat. He looks slightly uncomfortable to be seated opposite Akaashi, but to his credit doesn’t shy away from staring right at the both of them.

“Okay,” Konoha announces loudly, hands clapping together. Akaashi pulls his glass closer to him, hands wrapping protectively around it. He frowns when he notes that Kuroo still hasn’t touched his. “So, your sire is supposed to stay with you and introduce you to vampire culture. I mean, they’re not supposed to bite you to _begin_ with, but if they _do_ then they’re meant to be your, like – mentor?”

“Wait,” Kuroo cuts in, a small line appearing between his brows. Akaashi finds his eyes settling there. It’s kind of adorable. He takes a sip from the straw, aware of Konoha’s gaze fixed on him. “If you – I mean, _we’re_ not supposed to bite anyone, then why are there even vampires?”

It is, all things considered, a valid question. That doesn’t stop Akaashi from turning an intense gaze on Konoha.

Konoha’s fingers drum on the table.

“You get bitten if you’re sick, usually. Like: terminally. They offer it to you, and you can either say yes or no. That’s how we – well, breed.” He shifts slightly uncomfortably. Akaashi finds himself nodding.

“I remember that. They offered it to Bokuto.”

That grabs Kuroo’s attention. He turns to face Akaashi, eyes wide.

“Wait, what?”

“When we were younger,” Akaashi explains, keeping his eyes transfixed on the blood as he swirls the straw around. “I was about – fourteen, I think? Bokuto got sick. We thought he was going to die.”

Konoha nods grimly. Kuroo’s eyes still look shocked.

“But he – he got better, right? Without being a vampire?”

Akaashi shrugs, bringing the straw to his lips. “Sure. After a few months, when I’d turned fifteen, he got better, almost overnight. It was like a miracle.”

“But he wasn’t a vampire?” Kuroo presses. Akaashi shoots him an annoyed look.

“Obviously not.”

“Alright,” Kuroo begins, ready to change the topic. Out the corner of his eye, Akaashi spots Konoha watching him suspiciously. “So, my sire was breaking the law and this counts as murder. We knew that last bit already. But what can we _do?_ ”

“Stop talking like we’re in this together,” Akaashi mutters. Kuroo shoots him a lopsided grin, completed with raised eyebrows.

“You’re the one drinking blood.”

“And you haven’t had _any_. It’s on the house, make use of it.”

“I could take over as your sire,” Konoha suddenly says, out of nowhere. Akaashi pauses, turning to look at him.

“What?”

“Not yours. His.” Konoha jerkily points towards Kuroo, a slight smirk playing across his lips. “For a price.”

“I…” Kuroo seems to be at a loss for words. “Have money?”

The smirk gets wider. “I don’t want _money_. What I _want_ is a wingman.”

“I – what?”

Konoha sighs loudly, eyes drawn towards Kuroo’s still-full glass.

“Firstly: can I drink that?” At Kuroo’s nod, he pulls it over, fingers drumming against the glass. “Secondly: I’ve been single for like, eight months? I guess I don’t _mind_ , but it’d be nice to start dating again.” He doesn’t bother with the straw, instead drinking the blood straight from the glass. “But I kinda need a wingman.”

“I could be your wingman,” Akaashi offers. Kuroo pulls a face without even turning to look at him.

“Akaashi, you’d make a _shit_ wingman.”

He’d debate it but it’s probably true.

“Come _on_ ,” Konoha presses, raising his eyebrows. “You need a sire. I’ll, uh – adopt you, if you’ll ignore how weird that sounds. In return, you be my wingman.”

“Yeah, but for how long?”

Konoha shrugs. “Until I meet someone, I _guess._ ”

“I think you should do it,” Akaashi states, finishing the last of the blood from his glass. “It’ll be a good learning experience. And who knows – _you_ could meet someone, too.”

“But I already -” Kuroo cuts himself off, turning to face Konoha. “Fine. Why not? I’ll be your wingman.”

“Perfect!” At which point Konoha finishes _his_ glass, too. “Make sure to give me your mirror signal before you set off.”

“Speaking of which, we’d better get going.” Akaashi stands, prompting Kuroo to do the same. “Kuroo, we have to go and meet Suguru.”

Kuroo’s mouth drops open.

“Since _when?_ ”

“Since I called him this morning. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him what happened. I told him you wanted to see him.” Akaashi’s head tilts. “He probably thinks it’s a date.”

“You’re awful,” Kuroo complains, awkwardly extracting himself from the booth. “I’ll go see if I can flag down a carriage. Akaashi, can you give Konoha my mirror signal?”

Kuroo walks off, leaving Akaashi and Konoha to vacate the booth. It doesn’t take long to transfer Kuroo’s mirror signal, leaving Akaashi to watch Kuroo step through the door to outside.

Silence.

“What did you do?” Konoha asks abruptly, once Kuroo’s out of sight. Akaashi only bothers shooting him a brief glance.

“What?”

“Your friend.” Konoha runs a hand through his hair. “You said he recovered from a bad sickness almost overnight, but he wasn’t bitten. He still human?”

“…Yes,” Akaashi replies after a moment, all-too-aware that his pulse has started to pick up. “But I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

They stand silently for a few moments. And then: “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” The response is too quick, too forced. Akaashi silently curses himself.

“Bullshit.”

More silence. Neither one of them wants to give.

“I’m going to go,” Akaashi eventually informs, taking a couple steps forward. Konoha doesn’t try to stop him, but his eyes are narrowed and his fists are clenched. “Please – don’t mention anything to him.”

Then he turns, and moves to catch up with Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like vampires  
> i have no idea if they say "on the house" in japan but for the sake of this i'll assume that they do


End file.
